Some people asked me :"Suz, it is only a phone, why are u so upset? Just get it replaced and move on" My answer then was that though my phone was really not reliable and gave me lots of problem, I still love it. To me then though it was not working as well as it should, I still do treasure it a lot. I love every of my electronic gadget that I owned =)
However during cell word when Vincent was sharing about sacrifice. I was pondering on the fact as to why I took the loss of my handphone so hard. The night before I couldn't really sleep and was tossing and turning thus was feeling super tired the next day. As I was reflecting and listening to the sharing, just felt God impressing the main issue upon my heart. It was the issue of control and willingness.
To me, the phone belongs to me and it is considered MY processions. It belongs to ME and NO ONE including God should try to take it away from me. Instead of giving God control of my whole life, giftings, career, processions, I was in fact subconsciously withholding and guarding these things from God and claiming it as MY OWN and God has no hold over it.
It was like this - God, I really do love u and desire the closeness with u BUT these are MY things so it belongs to ME. And please do not touch MY things. Please respect my decision.
When I finally understand why I was so upset, it was like God asking me straight in my face there and then "Suzanne, my dear child, are u WILLING to give me CONTROL in EVERY aspect of your life including your processions? I want not just not ONE area or some areas BUT ALL OF IT. Are you WILLING to give me that CONTROL?
As I shared that lesson learnt through my reflection with my cell during the word, i realised i couldn't do it. That's why I teared. I was ashamed of myself.
But God is good and faithful, forever a GOD of love - He gave me another opportunity on sunday itself during the service to make a choice to surrender and give him full control of my life, processions, career choices, ministry and even the relationships that I want and have to him.
Now as I looked back, I thanked God for teaching me such a valuable lesson. Even as a long time christian, I am constantly receiving fresh revelation from God and having him correct and mold me to be the person he desires me to be
Last year the word for me was To surrender my life and everything that i hold on tightly to and be obedient. It was a preparation and continuation for what he wants to do in my life for this year, 2008. I have seen how he opens the door for me when i accept his plans and will for my life in my career, cell ministry and relationship with God. There were many impossible moments but yet he grant me the openings.
Life seems "smoother" when u really entrust your future and life to God. I am still learning and listening and obeying. I am excited for all the other lessons God is teaching and continually to teach me.
This is an exciting year when i begin running my 3rd lap. I am also trusting God for other areas in my life =) Hmmm Hmmmm :)
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Dear Abba FatherI promise to run on faithfully in the race to win the prize that you, my God is giving me =) Thank U my God for being so real and teaching me lessons I need to learn time and time again. Thank U for being so patient and loving a little me, sometimes so stiff neck and disobedient. Constantly running away from you yet u always draw me back to your presence.
But most of all, thank U Abba Father for saving me, choosing me, allowing me to serve u and seeing your purpose and plan for my life.
Going from my 10s .... 20s ..... 30s and counting on and on and on ....... for many many more years of your faithfulness and love u will continue to shower in my life. Teach me O lord to know your heart and let me listen to your voice. I desire to walk in greater intimacy with u and to develope an even greater level of deepness in my relationship with u.
=) I love you, Abba Father,
Love,
From your grateful daughter
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